I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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