You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
