i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
