Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
