So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
