How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
