Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
