I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
