i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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