hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
