Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
