i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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