my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
