I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
