That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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