fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
