I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
