Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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