he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
