OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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