On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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