Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
