my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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