Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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