thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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