Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
