so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
