i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
