I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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