One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
