i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
