im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
