this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
