Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
