remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
