Can Purell be used as lube?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
