So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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