I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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