If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's just like the Real World with babies
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
