the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
