god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
