Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
