How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
