We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
