Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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