we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
