The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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