I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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