i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
