I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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