the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
zippers are such a cool invention
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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