it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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