I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
