Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
