After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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