just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This is the high leading the old right now
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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