yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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