Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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