Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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