I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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