marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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