Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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