If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
