mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
