That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
