sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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