how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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