The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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