Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Found your dick twin last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
