If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
