end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
