wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
