wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
